So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
