i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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