No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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