can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
