OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
