we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
