Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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