You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
