There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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