God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
