I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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