So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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