I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
