I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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