I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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