Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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