So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
