There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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