i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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