Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
