i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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