she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
