wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
