47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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