Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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