I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
