The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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