Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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