girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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