i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
