I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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