you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
