Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
