My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
