is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
