when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
