Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
