coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Who died my cat blue again?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I deserve this hangover.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
