So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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