So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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