So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
