Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
