yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
