Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
