She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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