hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We need to get me chipped asap
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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