I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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