she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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