Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
