is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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