The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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