..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
