There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
