its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
