i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I touched a dick in church today
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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