didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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