I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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