it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She's the barista slut.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
