he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
