theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
