she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
