i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
